Rich Chocolate Tart

Let's talk about this tart, shall we?
Oh my.

That's all I can say sometimes. Oh. My.

It's rich. It's chocolatey. It's smooth as silk, and the crust... don't even get me STARTED on the crust!

Okay, we'd getter get started. Before I swoon here and now at the computer desk. And then revive myself and go hide in the pantry and gobble what's left of the tart. (Which isn't much.)

We're gonna get started.... with butter.

Because all good things in life start with butter, am I right?

We've got butter. Next, flour.

And salt.

Also, sugar.

Now, add in the cold chunks of butter...

And pulse until it looks something like this: 

Now, in a separate bowl, you will have combined an egg and a couple tablespoons of ice water, and whisked it together.

You may not know it. But that's what you will have done.

 

Into the crumbly mixture it goes.

Pulse again, until it all comes together.

 

Come together..................... RIGHT NOW....

Sorry. Been on a Beatles kick lately.

Now, shape it into kind of a flat-ish disk shape, and swaddle it in plastic wrap.

Did I just say... swaddle?

Okay, refrigerate that for about 30 minutes. Then you can unwrap it, and plop it on a counter covered in flour. We're gonna roll it out!

I was excited to use my new French rolling pin for the second time since I got it at Christmas. (I've been really slacking in the baking area lately. It's sad.)

The beauty of a French rolling pin? No handles. And it's also wider in the middle so it flattens the center of the crust more, and avoids those pesky thin edges. Genius!

Sadly, even the best of French rolling pins cannot compensate for my lack of skill. Look at that! I'm a disgrace.

But it's okay! I fixed it!

Sorta.

Now, you're supposed to put it in the refrigerator for about 15 minutes to "relax". I guess anything being baked by me deserves a little relaxation. I'd be stressed too. Especially after what I'm about to tell you.

I have a really embarrassing confession to make. And I'm not embarrassed that easily. (A matter of self-preservation when you have 4 siblings and 2 parents.) The recipe said to line the tart with foil and cover the foil with weights or dried beans, just to keep it from poofing up when it bakes.

Well, I didn't read the recipe that well, and somehow managed to miss the part about the foil.

"Cool," I thought. "I'll just dump in some dried beans." 
So what did I do?
I trotted to the pantry, grabbed a bag of black beans, lopped off the corner with a pair of scissors and...

Well, you get the picture?

A pastry shell brimming with dried black beans... It wasn't pretty. Sometimes I really wonder about myself. Truly. I was, of course, horrified when I looked at the recipe and noticed the bit about the foil. So I spent the next ten minutes picking little black flecks of bean shell (or something) from the crust.

Do you see the devotion here? I could easily have just skipped this mortifying vignette. But I'm keepin' it real, you guys. Keepin' it real.

Okay. So once you have a foil-lined pan filled with beans or weights or whatever you use, pop it in the oven for about 30 minutes. After it bakes, you're gonna take it out, remove the foil and beans, and then brush it with a beaten egg white.

(Don't be grossed out. It's to assist in the lovely golden brown color we're going for.)

Then pop it back in the oven for another 8 minutes.

Look! Lovely, golden brown!

While the tart shell cools, we're gonna go wild and make the filling.

(Just a warning: this filling contains heavy whipping cream. If you are morally, logically, chronically or healthily opposed to heavy whipping cream, you may want to skip over this.)

You'll need:
1 cup of heavy cream
1 freaky-looking thumb with chipped red nail polish.

Also, 1/2 cup regular milk. (I used skim, subconsciously trying to cancel out the fat grams from the heavy cream, I believe.) But I won't show you the picture. The lighting is weird, and the milk looks yellow by comparison.

Not cute.

But you heat the milks together, stirring often, until it just begins to simmer around the edges.

Then remove it from the heat, and stir in the semi-sweet chocolate, sugar and salt.

Next; eggs. Two of 'em.
They must be beaten.

Pour the beaten eggs into the chocolate mixture...

Whisk it up...

And pour the chocolate filling into the cooled tart crust.

It goes back in the oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or just until it's set, and the surface is glossy.

 

Yum.

Guess what? I'm a dork. Here's what I look like when I try to photograph myself and the food, and the tart starts sliding, and I almost drop the camera:

I'm screeching. And that's not actually a smile. It's a rapidly mutating grimace.

(Yes, I realize that, to all intents, purposes and appearances, it looks like I have three arms.)
(I'm sorry.)

Note to self: From now on, stay behind the camera, where you belong.

The tart was a huge hit with the family. Therefore, you may rest assured it is delicious. (They're not afraid to tell me when something's gross.)

Click here for the printable recipe: Rich Chocolate Tart.

Happy Cooking!